Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
