hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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