i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
