my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
