the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
