The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
