What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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