My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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