bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
