and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
