i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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