wakey wakey hands off snakey
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize