After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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