Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
