fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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