you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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