Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
