if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
