how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
