we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
