so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
