Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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