last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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