I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
