do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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