Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
