He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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