I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I understand Curling. That high.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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