no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
and she was petting her beer can
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
