dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We were destined to go to rehab together
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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