I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
