My sheets look like a crime scene.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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