She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
