That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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