I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Someone came in the potted fern
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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