he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
