Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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