yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
