is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm passing your future prison.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
