I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Randomize
