i think my mom watched the whole time
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
