I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
