I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm getting married
To pizza
he had hair everywhere except his balls
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