He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
