He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
