Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
