Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
