So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
