I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
