My room smells like vodka and shame
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
