I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
