Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize