Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
