I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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