Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
