Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize