he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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