I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
