so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
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