I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
