Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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