You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
