My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize