Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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