Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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