Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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