Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
