I understand Curling. That high.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
