He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Brb crying the tears of my youth
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
