you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
