Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize