We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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