Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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