TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
