i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
