I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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